Since coming to Edinburgh, I’ve either been up with the larks, or hauling myself unwillingly out of bed in the dying seconds of morning. Today was one of those lazier days, but I know better than to ask my body to do stuff it objects to, and so took a day off running.

Spent the earlier part of the afternoon trying to locate the Fopp music and film store which I definitely have walked past, but cannot for the life of me remember exactly where or when. I’m sure it was on a slope (some help) but after climbing one hill and going down another, both times confident that I was in the right place, and both times disappointed, I’m beginning to question whether I am seeing things. It may possibly be on Register Street, which is emphatically not on a slope.

Compèred at Whistle Binkies for Adam Strauss – a tough crowd today, I thought, not in the mood for anything that could be vaguely called ‘long form’, so I just went for stuff with a high density of punchlines. To my arsenal of requests for money, I am adding the line ‘tip us like we’re strippers’.

Mid-flyering, I spotted three women, one in a wheelchair, at the bottom of Victoria Street, looking a bit helpless: they were headed to the tattoo. Having been brought up a gentleman (thanks dad, another stone around my neck) I pushed the wheelchair up the hill, handing my flyers to one of the women with the instructions: ‘Look pretty, and if anyone asks, it’s the funniest show on the fringe.’ My flyering technique today involved only approaching people I liked the look of. Someone I didn’t reckon much snatched a flyer from my hand. ‘Is it funny?’ he said, aggressively. ‘Nah,’ I said. He flicked the flyer back at me and walked away. Result.

A quiet show, I think that with it being a Saturday, people had seen other stuff and were laughed out. Which isn’t to say they didn’t enjoy it (and Raph and I both enjoyed it enough to do a few new bits). Raph opened the show and played an absolutely straight bat, bringing his energy down to meet the audience, then slowly ramping it up again. By the time I was on they were warm – still quiet, but happy enough. Raph is very intuitive and I’m always impressed by how he judges things just right.

A strange moment towards the end of my set, when a very drunk woman burst in at the back of the room. ‘What’s this?’ she slurred at Raph. ‘Comedy,’ whispered Raph, gently ushering her back towards the door. ‘Wanker!’ she shouted at me before departing, which was good timing on her part because I was at that precise moment showing the audience a vibrator catalogue on my iPad.

If she thought she was detracting from my dignity, she failed. I do that myself when I do my upside-down bit at the end.

    Everything is Purple
    5-25 August (not 14 or 21) at 22.10
    Venue 63 – The Dragonfly, West Port
    PBH free fringe
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